June 29, 2008 (Sunday) 8:45am...

      I received a text message dated June 28, 11:08pm... it was from a very very special person.. I've been waiting for his text talaga.. but after exactly one week of not texting me, he finally had time for it.. but this text did not make me happy although part of me knew this will happen..

       before that, few days ago, i was planning to break up with him, not because i don't love him nor because i have someone else... i decided to part ways with him because i got tired of everything... okei lang sana kase i can manage to hold on to the relationship kung may support from him pa na makakaya namin lampasan yun... pero siya mismo parang gusto na din bumitiw from the relationship kaya parang nanghina na ako, nawala na ng hope and got tired of the situation... sabi ko nga sa GM ko sa mga classmates:

      "Pano mo pa hihintayin ang taong mahal mo kung ayaw na niyang magpahintay sayo, db? napapagod din pala ang puso."

      one of the reasons behind my plan of breaking up is because i'm also in pain, until now sa madaming bagay.. lahat ng yun dahil sa relasyon namin... niloko niya ako twice... at masakit pa dun eh, alam na halos lahat ng mga schoolmates ko, even my very close friends pero ni isa walang nagsabi sa akin.. kaya when i found out about it, i was shocked and nagmukhang tanga.. nagstart na dun ang pain na naramdaman ko.. and as time passes by, my pain is not fading, lalo pa itong lumalalim.. and dun ako nahihirapan... i became bitter, at ayokong matabunan ng hatred yung love ko for him kaya napagdesisyunan ko yun.

      so yun na nga, i consulted every person that is close to me, even mga classmates ko na din naman kami sobrang close dati e dinamayan ako sa problem ko (nakakatouch nga e), even my scariest teacher (na hindi na ngayon kase kwela pala siya, medyo bitter nga lang.. peace! hehehe) nagadvise sa akin na mga dapat kong gawin... at first, i'm not open sa idea ng "break up" kase alam ko sa sarili ko na di ko pa talaga kaya ng wala siya.. pero naisip ko naman na parang ganon din naman nangyayari ngayon kase magkahiwalay na kami physically, i mean we didn't have a chance to be with each other's arms kase busy busyhan na... i don't want to demand time naman to him kase alam ko di din niya mabibigay. and daming mga hindrances para di kami magkita talaga...

      decided na talaga ako, until i made a text message to him na i'm setting him free na.. di ko magawa in person yun kase for sure iiyak lang ako, masasaktan at manghihina. i don't want to see me in pain pag naghiwalay na kami.. isesend ko na sana the day before our monthsary but i changed my mind... i'm still hoping na kahit 1% lang e magbago ang sitwasyon... i waited for the day of our 7th monthsary, baka sakaling magtext siya, and if he did it i will forget everything i thought and planned for those past few days..

      June 25 (wednesday), i woke up early to see if may nagtext.. meron nga, i was so happy.. but when i opened the text message, quote lang pala.. haayy.... i waited and waited and waited the whole day.. but no text at all.. i waited the whole night again kahit alam ko na di na siya makakapagtext kase 7pm ang shift niya sa call center at bawal ng magphone. naghintay pa din ako baka sakaling maalala niya na monthsary pala namin.. pero hanggang makatulog na ako, wala ako ni isang text na nareceive from him.. honestly di ko alam kung way niya un para maisip ko na gusto na talaga niyang makipaghiwalay... (naopen na kase niya few times yung hiwalayan issue..)

      so after that day, i decided na talaga na makipaghiwalay na.. i waited for sunday to talk to him and clear things up.. para na din malaman ko side niya... anyway, balik na tayo sa text niya that sunday morning... sabi niya sa text he will give back my freedom na daw not because he doesn't love me nor may iba na din siya.. he said na kaylangan daw namin to because ayaw niyang maging selfish sa akin kase di na niya ako maaasikaso because of his work... di na daw gaya ng dati na we see each other everyday kase pareho yung destination namin araw-araw.. sabi pa niya i deserved someone that will take care of me at hindi yung katulad niya na napabayaan daw ako at madaming pagkukulang.. kung alam lang niya na kaya kong magtiiis kahit anong mangyari basta kasama ko lang siya... (haay.. naiiyak na naman ako...)

      as i read his text umiiyak talaga ako, as in hagolgol.. buti na lang at kami lang dalawa ng kapatid ko na bunso sa room at tulog pa siya... kaya i covered my face with my pillow to lessen the sound, baka kase marining niya na umiiyak ako e.. first time kong nafeel yung ganito kasakit na break up.. sabi nila ngayon lang siguro ako nagmahal ng totoo kaya nahirapan at nasaktan ako ng todo sa nangyari... edi yun, after i  read everything, i sent him a short message saying , "i knew this wil happen." nagreply siya asking what's my reaction... then i told everything i feel and sinend ko na din yung break up text ko for him...

      after he received and read my texts, umiyak na lang siya.. syempre nung nalaman ko na umiiyak na siya, lalo lumala pag-iyak ko.. kamuntik pa akong hikain sa sobrang sakit... and pinakamasakit kase sa akin e yung malaman ko na umiiyak yung guy na mahalaga sa akin.. we exchanged messages saying na mamimiss namin isa't isa and that we still love each other but have to part ways pansamantala... nagbilin din kami ng mga bagay bagay... i was so touched when he said that i have to be strong because he know i'm a baby, kase naman first time niyang sinabi na baby ako.. grabe talaga, di ko alam mafefeel ko at that moment.. di ko alam kung matututwa ako or maiiyak kase i felt like I was his baby.. at sinasabihan na malalayo muna siya pansamantala so i have to be strong and take care of my self, so iyak na naman ako dyan at nagkulong sa banyo.. nung okei na ako at bumalik sa kwarto, tinext ko ulet siya saying "thank you".. finally nag-offer siya to be my best friend again (before kase naging kami we treated each other as best friend kase siya lang pinakaclose friend  ko na guy). i accepted his offer although di ko alam kung this is for the better or lalo ko lang pahihirapan sarili ko.. basta ngayon all i know is kahit nawala na ang commitment, i still need him beside me kahit hindi na lover.. di ko pa kaya na mawala siya totally sa buhay ko.. he will always be the source of my strength...

      12 noon of that same day, after we broke up, katext ko pa din siya... parang wala man nangyari na iyakan at hiwalayan kase tawanan at lokohan na naman kami.. pero para akong sira kase umiyak na naman ako.. he texted all my siblings kase saying, "Kindly take good care of your ate arkhaye ha? please do so, i will not be around her to take good care of her, alagaan nyo siya for me please... thanks.. kindly tell her that i love her.. and don't forget that kahit wala na kami ng ate nyo, i will still be your kuya." sino bang di maiiyak dun db? haayy nakakaloka siya... kaya nga ba kahit dami kong pain na nafeel sa kanya at dami kong bagay na nasacrifice for him eh okei lang and i didn't regret all of it...

      eto lang masasabi ko, i will always love him kahit anong mangyari.. he will always be a big part of my life.. i'll try to move on but i will not forget him... i'm still hoping that someday, pag maayos na ang lahat, if kami talaga, God will have His way para magkita at magkasama ulet kami.. i really hope na siya na talaga maging partner ko for the rest of my life... ^_^